It’s good to have friends with similar sensibilities. I have a friend Stephanie who founded A.R.S.E.S. That’s our acronym for the Apostrophe Redistribution Special Education Squad. She let me be the VP because I could print the requisite calling cards on my printer.
The mission statement for A.R.S.E.S. is to find and eradicate the misuse of apostrophes everywhere in the universe, or at least the Twin Cities. We are seeking members. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to leave the A.R.S.E.S. calling card whenever you see a misused apostrophe (or a missing apostrophe, as the case may be).
For example, you and a friend go to La Cucaracha. You know . . . that sketchy Mexican restaurant on Third and Vine? You open the menu and discover the Tuesday special is Three Taco’s! The key at this point is not to panic. Calmly close the menu. Back away from the booth. And, of course, leave behind the A.R.S.E.S. calling card, directing the owner’s attention to the fact that an apostrophe “S” does not indicate the plural. Strongly advise that he hire someone to print new menus and return his restaurant to good standing. Other common offenders: Bar-be-Cue Rib’s, Fish-n-Chip’s . . . you get the picture.
Admittedly, Stephanie and I haven’t made many friends this way, and we’re not allowed in certain St. Paul restaurants . . . so it’s good we have each other. We’ve become good cooks.
For Christmas this year, Stephanie gave me Sharon Eliza Nichols’ I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar: a Collection of Egregious Errors, Disconcerting Bloopers, and Other Linguistic Slip-Ups. (Otherwise known as my favorite coffee table book.) If you’re considering becoming a member of A.R.S.E.S., I may have to call this required reading.
Thats all for now folk’s! ; )